life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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