Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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