It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
