next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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