I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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