yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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