Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need a burrito and a hug.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
