Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
