On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ketchup is God's man juice
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
