I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
