oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
