I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Edward fifth and chaser hands
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
