kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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