we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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