The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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