He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
