god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My hand turned me down
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
