Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
