haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
