Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
