Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
