Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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