Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I said "one day" and that day is not today
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
