I can tuck mytits in my pants
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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