you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
