Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
