I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
