I seem to have left my pride at pride
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
