The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
