it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
