after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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