an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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