I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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