he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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