I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
