i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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