I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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