u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize