I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
