They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
50% drunk capacity currently
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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