Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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