All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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