dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
