I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
