they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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