Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
