She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
