I hate your face
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
