your parents love me but you hate me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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