Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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