I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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