I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
