I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
