Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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