bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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