I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize