Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
