They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize