dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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