Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
