Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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