You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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