she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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