Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
