Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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