We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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