I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize