don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
