I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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