I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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