angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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