Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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