he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
